Month: September 2008

Words matter… in election materials too.

I’m working to elect Barack Obama as President, so I found myself grinding my teeth when I found this self-description of Barack in the “Easy Voter Guide” produced by the California Secretary of State and containing content produced, I suspect, by well-meaning interns and volunteers:

STATEMENT: Now is the time for our country to come together and bring real change to Washington and bring an end to the policies of the Bush Administration. I am in this race so that we, as a unified nation, can be a beacon of hope for the world again.

TOP PRIORITIES:

  • End the war in Iraq and refocus our efforts in Afghanistan.
  • Sign universal health care legislation by the end of my first term.
  • Put America on the path to a clean and secure energy future.

MY CRITIQUE: There were two things that made my teeth hurt. First, the choice of the word “race” in the statement. No reason to bring that word front-and-center people who are already thinking about it. Would have been just as easy to say “I am running for President so that we…”

Second, the priority to “refocus our efforts in Afghanistan”. What does this ambiguous and jargon-y statement mean? Transfer our troops from Iraq to Afghanistan and fight a big war there? Or just take a fresh look at what we’re doing in Afghanistan? And what about the rest of the world? Why not something like “End the war in Iraq and focus our nation’s efforts on mutual respect and peaceful resolution for conflicts throughout the world”?

You may say that nobody reads voter pamphlets. But what if 1 in 100 voters actually does, and 1 in 100 of THOSE voters are affected in some way by this or another statement? If there are 10 million voters in California that’s 1,000 votes! Words matter, even in election materials.

Winning the control

Winning a “control” is a holy grail for direct mail copywriters (this old-school term has not morphed to the web and email as far as I know). The control is the standard mailing that others are tested against; it’s the one that has consistently performed best over time. Win a few controls and you can start raising your hourly or project rate.

But here’s the problem. Apart from publishers who mail millions, clients can be a bit flakey about “awarding” the control. One client in financial services told me a package could not become the control unless it beat the old control by 20%. That’s a huge edge in a regulated industry. But he was limited by his tight operating budget: a 15% lift in response might produce profits, but changing over all the forms at the printer and tracking cost money and he had to draw the line somewhere.

This month I’ve “won” two controls win a way that shows how quirky this process is. The first was a #10 envelope package for a Long Term Care insurance company that beat the old control by 100%. But what I did was to take the existing control, a self mailer that was also written by me, and change the copy slightly and put it in an envelope for better stage management. I’d been advising my client we should do this for years so my win is nice, but not a creative breakthrough.

The second win was for a company selling education in how to be a financial success. I’d written a package and they tested it and the results didn’t reach their threshold. A year later they discovered 10,000 unmailed copies of my package at their printer and decided to test it again. It beat everything. Voila, new control.