December 2013 - Otis Regrets... or not

Online retail’s Obamacare moment

UPS experienced a surge of last minute Christmas orders and there weren’t enough planes to carry the packages, so many presents weren’t delivered till after the holiday. In some ways this is a good thing: consumer confidence suggests a strengthening economy and prosperous times ahead. But many of those orders had been placed with the promise of pre-Christmas delivery, so there remained the question of how retailers would make good their contract with their customers.

I had two affected orders, one from Brookstone and the other from Amazon. When I discovered the packages had not been delivered till December 26, I contacted both companies and let them know I was upset and disappointed and would like a response.

Brookstone was pretty straightforward. I contacted them using their online form, including the order number, and received this response: “This automated message is to let you know that we have received your inquiry and will respond to it as quickly as possible. We will be glad to assist you in any way we can.” Four days later, I’ve heard nothing further. This was my first online order from Brookstone, and it’s good to know how they handle customer problems. For me and Brookstone, it’s one and done.

Amazon’s order was supposed to arrive two days before Christmas, not one, according to my Prime membership terms. I navigated the byzantine online help system to find a form I could actually fill in. I didn’t need to tell them how long I had been a Prime member or how much I spend because they certainly know this; I did let them know it was far from the service I expected and paid for.

Amazon’s response was a $10 credit (against my $50 order) and a one-month extension of my Prime membership, worth $6 and change. Doesn’t seem like a very significant accommodation to a valued customer. Perhaps they feel they already have secured my loyalty and don’t have to bend over backwards; maybe newer Prime members got a more significant adjustment and bigger apology?

As with the healthcare.gov fiasco, many of the shoppers who were let down by incidents like these were likely first time online buyers; their mistrust in the internet has been confirmed and it may be years before they try online ordering again. For Obamacare, that meant that the most desirable prospects—young people who didn’t have health insurance because they didn’t think they needed it—were scared off. With this year’s late retail deliveries, the first time buyers would have been late adopters who are more expensive to acquire, more expensive to maintain.

While we’re on the subject of the trust between a customer and a retailer, I had a remarkable experience with Sears that is only nominally mail order. I wanted to purchase an item online for in store pickup and, because it was out of stock at my local Sears, I ordered it at another store 25 miles away. I finally went up there last Friday, order confirmation in hand, and was told they didn’t have my order because they’d sold the goods to somebody else after the order was placed, and the item was now out of stock so they’d have to refund my money. Pretty straightforward, but completely wrong. I’ll continue to work on this order and will report back on what I learn.

It’s almost 2014, and mail order retailers still haven’t figured out gift order options

If you give a gift, you want to be acknowledged, right? At the very least the recipient should know the package came from you and has a bit of thought behind it. Yet some of the largest mail order retailers are doing a very poor job of dealing with this issue at holiday 2013, long after they should have figured it out.

I’m not that experienced at web giving—I order a lot online, but it’s either for my personal consumption or to be packaged and presented in person. The idea of trusting a mass merchant to honor my earnest attempts to find and deliver the right gift has always made me queasy. And with good reason, it turns out.

I wanted to send somebody two pairs of flannel boxer shorts found on L.L. Bean… a somewhat whimsical yet practical gift. To gift these I would have to spend another $6 per pair of shorts (which on their own cost $16 per pair) and deliver them in two separate gift boxes. I don’t expect to have a live human running around and picking my order in 2013, but I do think it’s reasonable to expect the retailer to anticipate items that might be grouped, like this order, and offer combined packaging. Failing that, give me a substantial discount on gift boxing when I order multiple items sent to the same recipient.

That order abandoned, I went to Eddie Bauer where I found a well-priced duffel bag for the same recipient. Into my shopping bag, appropriate information entered, all the way to checkout, and I realize I’ve never been asked if this is a gift even though it’s to a second ship-to address. I try the chat function and it’s unavailable so I ask for instructions for handling a gift to be sent by email. Several hours later, the only email I’ve received is a notification that I better hurry and complete the order because my item might sell out. I never did find out how to specify a gift message or buy gift wrapping at Eddie Bauer, assuming these services exist.

Amazon, as usual, sets the bar on this. Gift options always available unless it’s clearly specified they are not (as on large items, like snowblowers), and the charges for gift wrap are reasonable. Folks complain about how Amazon is stifling competition but if Bean and Bauer refuse to perform at the same level I don’t think the complaint is justified.

The final element of the gift giving process is, of course, the delivery. Amazon will include a personalized gift greeting, as will my old friend Liberty Orchards which still offers the option of a handwritten gift card at no extra charge. Packages which have the giver’s name printed on the mailing label, and that’s it, are an embarrassment and betrayal of the well-meaning giver’s good intentions. Maybe next year I’ll self-order a bunch of gifts and see what kind of greeting I get. I don’t expect to be overly impressed.

Is this the John Caples of 2014?

Almost a century ago, John Caples wrote one of the most famous direct response ads of all time: “They laughed when I sat down at the piano. But when I started to play…” Caples combined a homespun way with words and a scientific approach to analyzing the interests of his audience, as documented in his classic Tested Advertising MethodS.

If John Caples were to re-animate, be zombified, or simply time-shift to the present day, what would he be writing now? Maybe something like the work of Neetzan Zimmerman, who was recently profiled in the Wall Street Journal. Zimmerman doesn’t write space ads, long-form direct mail or emails. He’s an editor at the website Gawker, where he’s charged finding story threads that are so irresistible, people not only read them but pass them along, in huge viral numbers, to their friends.

Zimmerman was responsible for “Mom Fined $140 Every Day Until She Circumcises Her Child” and “Black Man Arrested Dozens of Times for ‘Trespassing’ While At Work” among countless other gems. His posts generate an astonishing 30 million page views a month, more than all other Gawker contributors combined. When they linger on his posts, web visitors see the ads that accompany them; that’s the Gawker revenue model.

According to WSJ, Zimmerman’s ability to draw traffic allows Gawker to subsidize other deeper and longer pieces. He’s the equivalent of a retail loss-leader, but with words. Like Caples, he combines a scientific curiosity with the ability to connect with his audience on the topics they care about—“cute, outrageous, heartwarming, hilarious, anger-inducing” being some typical threads.

Zimmerman starts each day by analyzing the metrics (Twitter and Facebook mentions) for popular stories, then deciding which ones to pass along. “Within 15 seconds, I know whether an item is going to work,” he told WSJ. “It’s a biological algorithm… I’ve put myself into the system—I’ve sort of become the system—so that when I see something I’m instantly thinking of how well it it’s going to do.” He adds that he can no longer tell the difference between stories he finds interesting and stories that will be popular. “If it’s not worth posting then I’m not interested.”

Lee Euler, a savvy newsletter publisher who was my client at one time, describes this as “the common touch”. It’s not enough to write well, to know your subject and audience, to deliver up benefit statements that get readers reaching for their wallets. To be a truly great and consistently control-busting copywriter you need to be able to connect with people on a visceral level, where they trust you and want nothing more than to hang on your every word. It’s a rare gift, and this guy seems to have it.

How to get more page views for your copywriting blog

Would you like to increase the traffic on your marketing blog or copywriting web site through organic search results? Here is an accidental success story that may help.

I have another blog, Burnt My Fingers, which is specifically about food and cooking. It’s a fun, niche project and I have never worked too hard to pump up the metrics. But in the last 3 months my page views have increased by well over 100%. How come?

I wrote a post called “Why I’m not buying a Sansaire sous vide device” which was an offshoot of some earlier articles on this specialty cooking method. Well, turns out there is a lot of interest in this gadget and the buzz is only increasing as the holidays roll around. Do a web search for “Sansaire” as many shoppers might and there’s my post, close to the top of your search results. It looks like a negative review (it actually isn’t) so is just the sort of thing a shopper might want to read as part of their research.

The good news is that search links to this specific post account for only about 25% of my new page views. The rest are from the activity of users once they get to the site: they browse around to linked articles, then my recipes, which is exactly what you hope they would do if the article they came for is relevant to your core content vs. link bait.

The key to this accidental success story was finding a topic a certain audience wants to read about, vs something I wanted to write about. Think about the interests of your audience—then think about how you might mine that with catchy content that draws them to your site.