The right way for marketers to say “thank you”

Two marketers contacted me to say “thank you” yesterday. The first was Starbucks, who wanted to thank me for being their customer with a free mini-dessert celebrating their 40th anniversary, if I made a purchase between 2 and 5 this afternoon. Then, the folks at Time-Life Books sent a thank you to me just for being awesome and for motivating and moving them with my “passion”. The subject line said simply, “thank you”. Nothing being sold here.

If a real person was thanking me in person, I’d find the Time-Life message much more sincere. But this is marketing. I found myself thinking, “dude, if you like me so much where’s the offer?” And the Starbuck’s message, cleverly built around getting trial for a new product at a slow time of day, was much more appealing.

Starbucks thanks you.
Starbucks thanks you.

Time Life thanks you.

That’s the reality: the only way for a marketer to say thank you, and be appreciated for the gesture, is to include a gift or offer of some kind. Maybe charities are an exception. One of my favorite outer envelope lines was on a WorldVision mailing asking for a mini-sponsorship for a Third World child. The teaser: “Gift enclosed. But not for you.”

Pork Board asks consumers to pig out with new slogan

If the National Pork Board has its way, conversations like this will soon be happening in homes across America:

He: What’s for dinner?
She: A nice chicken.
He: What’s wrong with pork? You know I love my pork.
She: We’ve already had pork seven times this week. Pork spareribs with hoisin sauce…. pork belly sliders…. crown roast of pork with apples…
He: Be inspired! How about pork sushi?
She: Wait a minute, I forgot. The Smiths are coming for dinner. They don’t eat pork.
He: Religious reasons?
She: No, they just don’t eat pork. And if you don’t eat pork, there’s no way to change that.

A little background: according to the Associated Press on March 4, 2011, the National Pork Board has decided to “move on” after 25 years promoting its product with the highly recognizable slogan, “The Other White Meat”. The new tag lie is… wait for it… “Pork: Be Inspired.” According to Ceci Snyder, the Des Moines, Iowa-based board’s vice president of marketing, “we want to increase pork sales by 10 percent by 2014. To do that, we needed to make a stronger connection, a more emotional connection to our product.”

The AP story goes on to note that pork consumption averaged 50 pounds per person in 2010, compared to 61 pounds for beef and 70 pounds for chicken. However, “research done by the Pork Board shows 28 percent of U.S. households make up nearly 70 percent of the nation’s at-home consumption of fresh pork. The new campaign is aimed at getting existing pork consumers to think more about how they can incorporate it into their meal planning.”

The old campaign is not exactly being retired, however. The old slogan will remain on the Pork Board’s website and on apparel sold by the board, but web searches for “Pork: The Other White Meat” will direct people to the new campaign…

Let’s break down this grisly carcass, shall we?

The Message: Some might say that a slogan that is not actually used, and is instantly forgettable, is not actually a slogan. So let’s move past that.

The Marketing: under what circumstances does a product throw up its hands at trying to get new customers and instead focus on keeping the customers it has and getting them to buy more? The cigarette industry comes to mind, what else? Presumably the pork folks had good research that told them that a/no new pork eaters could be acquired and b/the current audience could be profitably convinced to up their pork consumption, but both assumptions seem very strange to me.

The comparative stats tell me the pork eaters are in fact doing some pretty heavy lifting already, pound for pound enjoying pork at 1 of ever 3 meals compared to the other two protein sources. And in fact pork’s shortfall might be explained entirely by the fact there are no pork fast food stores as there are burger joints and chicken shacks.

But never mind that, if we stipulate that we can only succeed by getting pork eaters to eat more pork, what kind of marketing might do that? Hey, how about… “the other white meat”? We all think of chicken as a versatile ingredient… pure genius to put pork on the same pedestal. And certainly much better than an exhortation that sounds like it might have been the product of a committee planning a high school homecoming dance.

And the funny thing is that the only people who will actually get to see the new slogan are people who do a web search for the old slogan. That’s right, we’ll take that tiny percentage of people who take advertising messages to heart and we’ll toss a bucket of farm waste in their face. Do a search for “The Other White Meat” to see how enjoyable this is.

The Morality: Secretly, I am happy about this fiasco and here’s why. In 1988 when “The Other White Meat” hit our butcher counters, its purpose was to promote the new trend to factory farms which fed pigs lean foods in order to produce a leaner product as compared to the traditional happy pigs rooting in the farmyard. A bonus was that the conditions in these factory farms stressed out the pigs (an animal more intelligent than a dog) so much that their flesh was watered down by stress hormones.

If we have been unsuccessful in convincing people to eat lean meat from tortured pigs, perhaps that is not entirely a bad thing.

How to use gifts, prizes and sweepstakes in your marketing

The U.S. News and World Report marketers had a formula that was used for many years. Prospective subs would receive a double postcard offering some very attractive business premium (like a desk calculator, back in the day when they were special) as a bonus for a paid subscription. It must have worked because it was repeated so long. The benefit of requiring an upfront payment helps cash flow. But it ultimately does not foster a loyal subscriber base and both the pub and this advertising concept are pretty moribund these days.

The U.S. News example demonstrates both the appeal and the danger of using product giveaways to help you get customers. A certain number of people will always pop just for the gift… and the more attractive the gift, the more questionable the quality of these freeloaders to your business. What you’re hoping is that enough otherwise qualified folks who were on the fence say “sure, why not” because they like the premium and these folks also like what they see when they receive your publication, product or service. To make this work, the giveaways needs to be closely aligned with the interests of the person who matches your core prospect. Everybody would like to win an all-expenses paid trip to Disneyland, for example, so that is not a qualifying offer. Today’s popular iPad is much better. It’s trendy, techy and business focused… all of which match the profile of certain types of readers.

The next question is what you’re going to make people do to get the gift. U.S. News requiring payment is a good example since traditionally pubs have very poor pay up from their “free issue” promos. Keep in mind that in addition to the cost of the goods you’re going to have the expense and administrative headache of fulfilling them. Most marketers farm this job out to a fulfillment shop that will ship in anonymous boxes. This is expensive and misses an opportunity to do additional marketing inside the fulfillment package.

If asked by a client, I will always recommend a sweepstakes where one person, or a few people, win as opposed to a gift for everyone who responds. The greed appeal is still there but the cost is much lower since there are only a few units to buy. Companies worry about sweepstakes liability and if this is a serious issue for you, there are companies that will write the rules, choose the winner and indemnify you for a flat sum, most recently $25,000. If you’re on a shoestring budget, I would advise you to study a number of competitive sweepstakes in your market space, download the rules (which the marketers are legally required to publish) then create your own contest structure based on what others have done before (or pass the buck and have your lawyer do it).

A final consideration is that the giveaway should not overshadow the product or service you are selling. There are two ways this can happen. The giveway can become the most exciting and prominent thing about the promo, with sales playing second fiddle. This was the case with the notorious Publishers Clearinghouse sweepstakes. Magazine subscriptions were an afterthought and the subscribers gained this way were of such questionable quality that “sweeps sold” mailing lists often were rentable at a substantial discount.

More insidious is the situation when a premium is so unusual or complicated that substantial real estate is required to present it. This is the case with many brilliant ideas that clients come up with, for oddball items they happen to love or their kid has told them about. The ink required to describe these items is parasitically siphoning attention from your main selling proposition and can only hurt your results. As a rule of thumb, if it takes more than a few sentences to describe what it is and why you want it, then it isn’t a good premium.

Whenever I go to direct marketing trade shows I look up the booths of Konik and Co. and other sellers of premiums and “advertising specialties” (the latter being something that has your logo prominently printed on it, such as a baseball hat). I ask them what’s new and what is selling best and they always have a few idea starters for me. I also get lazy and look at what marketers of products similar to my clients’ are offering. Right now it’s iPads so might as well copy them. You can never get too many chances to be a winner, right?

How to use testimonials in your marketing

Testimonials can be a key element in your marketing copy. They help attract new customers by showing that others have had a satisfactory ordering. They help bond existing customers by demonstrating that you’re a “real” organization with real consumer relationships. And, if you’re a new or little-known company, they show that you actually have customers.

In order to work well for you, the testimonials you use should have these characteristics:

They should be specific. I remember a Land’s End testimonial in which the customer says she’s been shopping “since way back when you sold sailing equipment”. Jackson & Perkins used a detailed anecdote about the customer who put his roses through a torture test in a Texas Panhandle winter. Specifics sell. These testimonials are believable, and make interesting reading in their own right…as opposed to generic one-liners or one-worders (“outstanding”, “excellent”) which seem contrived.

They should be realistic. Never correct your customers’ grammar or edit phrases to fit the King’s English. Write like they talk. (I do, however, correct spelling errors. No reason to let your helpful customers embarrass themselves.)

Resist the temptation to crop and consolidate. Leave in the rambling, off-the- subject asides; these provide the veracity you are seeking. Use ellipses sparingly and only when absolutely necessary (for example, because the quote isn’t understandable without this editing).

They should be relevant. A business-to-business client gave me a series of “testimonials” from dealers who said they were happy to be selling the product. This is not what the customer is looking for. Testimonials should be about the buying process (how easy it is, or how a problem was solved) or about their personal experience with their purchase.

They should be signed. Testimonials followed by initials and no address appear to be faked…even where they aren’t. Whenever possible, I include a full name and city in a testimonial from a consumer; name, title and company for a professional. If you must use initials to protect the customer’s privacy, include the city and state to retain believability.

THE RIGHT WAY TO GET TESTIMONIALS: Some categories, like gardening and other hobbies, seem to generate floods of unsolicited positive comments from customers who want you to know how well they’re doing with your merchandise. If this situation applies to you, you’re lucky. Much more likely, you’ll have to ask for testimonials.

Start with a customer service survey (something you should be doing anyway). Follow up with phone calls to promising responses. When you talk to them, have a mental list of topics you’d like to touch on and gently lead the conversation into these areas. Try to elicit case histories or other specific comments and examples. Before you hang up, ask if it’s okay to use the comments in your advertising. (Don’t push it if the answer is no.)

My next step is write up a transcript of my call notes, followed by a sanitized version in which I try to make the comments more coherent and cogent without editing out the customer’s personality. At the bottom I write:

[Company name] has my permission to use the above quotation in its advertising and promotional material [ ] as is [ ] with changes.

___________________________ Signature_______________Date

In the olden days I would send this self-contained authorization form to the interviewee, via fax or by mailing with a self-addressed stamped envelope. In almost every case, I received it back right away and with no changes. Today I’d be comfortable using email and using their reply as proof of consent. I’m not sure this would stand up in court, but if the customer objects to the use of their name you’re going to withdraw the testimonial anyway, right?

And speaking of legal issues: the above approval language was written without the help of a lawyer. Your legal department might want to add some “hold harmless” verbiage. Resist. The more mumbo-jumbo your customer has to sign his or her name to, the less likely you are to get an OK.

In closing, here are two ways not to get testimonials. Don’t invent them and then sign the name of a willing friend or co-worker. It’s smarter, and not much harder, to get the real thing (assuming your company has at least one satisfied customer, that is). Second, sometimes a well-meaning customer will offer to compose a testimonial for you. Never, never accept. The customer will write what they think you want to hear—and the result will be about as hokey as you can get, but you’ll feel obligated to use it to avoid hurting the customer’s feelings.

I recently ran across several articles I wrote for Catalog Marketer, a newsletter published by the late Maxwell Sroge. I’ll be sharing them in updated form over the next few weeks in the Copywriting 101 section.

Dealing with copywriter’s block

I have been feeling very unproductive lately, looking for distractions and getting too few billable hours done in a day. Finally, today I tackled a project I had been putting off and finished it and afterward I felt like I’d dropped 10 pounds of mental fat. Though I didn’t realize it, I had been suffering from a chronic case of copywriter’s block.

Maybe it’s not as poetic as the creative seizings up of J.D. Salinger, Joseph Heller and other legendarily blocked writers. But copywriter’s block is a very real problem with freelancer hacks and scribes because if you aren’t writing, you aren’t getting paid.

I had a couple of real serious blockages early in my freelance career and will share what I learned from them. The cause of most of my episodes was that I hadn’t done enough preparation before sitting down to write. I was trying to think, and nothing was coming out. A far better strategy is to do so much prep work—in terms of research and rough, non-wordsmithed notes—that giving yourself permission to actually write the thing comes as a blessed relief.

Sometimes we stumble over something in the actual process of writing…. very often, the first paragraph in a letter or article. (And yes, editors will tell you your work can almost always be improved by simply removing that first warm-up paragraph after you write it.)

I still have a multi-page printout of my tortured attempts to write the first paragraph of a letter for a TPA—that’s a particular kind of consultant that handles a company’s health plan. What on earth could I have needed to say about TPA’ing that was so difficult? I can’t remember but I know I felt like a dog chewing on itself until I had the good sense to finally step away from it. I took a walk in the sun, then came back and worked on something completely different. The next day, the TPA letter was completed without incident.

This recent writer’s block had a new set of circumstances. It was for a good client, but I found it somehow very uninteresting, yet I knew I had to do it because of our relationship. The concept of “you must” is toxic to the independent and supposedly carefree freelancer, who has signed on to the concept that you can set your own schedule and work any 24 hours in the day that you like.  But finally, writing it became more appealing than not writing it, and the deed was done. Now I’m going to celebrate by going to the library.

Who pays for this mistake? Not the client.

I’ve been writing a complex series of emails for a client. I finished one series, then had to modify them for a new audience. The right way to do this would be to save each of the emails with a different name, then do the versioning. But I was distracted so I saved the new email over the old one without changing the name. I did this twice. It then took me about two hours to go back and recreate the original emails and fix my boneheaded mistake.

This is a retainer client: we agree to a certain number of hours each month, and I account for how I spend my time. So do I include these hours in my billing? I say no. It would be different if I were billing at minimum wage in which case I’d expect to get paid just for showing up.  But my client is paying for a certain level of professionalism, and this ain’t it.

Back in my suit days, I’d have to account for every hour of agency time. There was an “administrative” bucket where non-billable time would go but I better not use it too often. I’ve occasionally seen (not participated in) systems with no such catchall which means that inevitably every minute gets billed back to somebody.

If you’re hiring an agency or a freelancer by the hour, it’s fair to ask how they keep track of their time and if they have an accounting category where they put non-billable time. If they don’t, then you may end up paying for mistakes.

This Quality Inn is a poor “choice” for weary road warriors

I visited a client in Irvine, CA last week and stayed at the Quality Suites John Wayne Airport, an establishment I’ve used on several previous occasions. I like this place because it’s modestly priced yet has plenty of room to spread out when I’m working for several days. Evidently lots of road warriors feel this way, judging from the number of single guys in the breakfast room at 6 am.

When I checked out I half-heard someone else complaining about an illegitimate charge on their bill. I couldn’t get my own bill because the printer was broken and they promised to email it to me. When I received the email I saw my own illegitimate charge, a daily fee for a safe I didn’t know was in the room.

I emailed the general manager (who had sent me the invoice) asking for a correction. Nearly a week later I’ve heard nothing. After a few days I went on the website of the parent organization, Choice Hotels International, and filled out a tedious form asking for help. Though they say “we appreciate that you took the time to bring these matters to our attention” and promise a response within 72 hours, nothing from them either.

Isn’t this a great example of terrible customer service? There’s no excuse for the invoice trickery to begin with, but if it was unintentional the management should have corrected it and apologized immediately. And I’m now seeing that there is nobody behind the curtain at Choice International, a somewhat toothless affinity organization since all their hotels are independently owned.

A lost customer to this establishment and more than likely any other hotel in the chain… plus nasty whiny blog posts and tweets… seem like a poor trade off for somebody’s desire to stuff a couple of extra bucks in their pocket. Bad choice, Quality Suites John Wayne Airport and Choice International.

On the floor at Fancy Food Show 2011

The Fancy Food Show was jam-packed at San Francisco’s Moscone Center…. good news for business but making it difficult to navigate during a truncated visit this week. Here are some highlights:

Trending up: fancy soda
Trending up: fancy soda

Trending up: cured meats, especially Serrano and Parma hams. I remember when it was a rare treat to get a slice of one of these beasts; this year they are everywhere. Though oddly enough, the salt content of most seems significantly reduced from classic preparations. There was also a jerky stand advertising 50% less sodium than traditional jerky. Also, lots of high-end sodas.

Trending down: nuts. Once a massive snack category, the vendors showing fancy smoked and salted nuts are today few and far between, Too much fat for today’s snacker? Baja Bob’s, a low calorie cocktail maker, can pour you a margarita for 60 calories vs 240 calories for a regular margarita. The benefit of which, they explain, is that your date will have more than one.

Down and out: gluten free everything, All of last year’s signs were gone. Also, vendors trumpeting the ‘USDA Organic” certification were rare even though a pavilion was set aside for them. May be that, as some of the folks at Terra Madre Day speculated, the designation is cumbersome and simultaneously lets in questionable products while not defining a level of quality that is actually useful.

Paul Bertolli and his wonderful head cheese
Paul Bertolli and his wonderful head cheese

Product of the year: Testa di Porco (head cheese) from Fra’mani. Paul Bertolli has been threatening to bring this product to market for several years and last Sunday it happened. Ethereal. It’s not little bits of this and that like traditional head cheese but nice big chunks of celery-cured ham held together with a clove-y gelee. People were standing in line for this one.

Trend to watch: consolidation. NYC-based Rick’s Picks, to take one example, is now shipping 10 standard products rather than 14 in the past. In a tough economy retailers can’t be asked to stock that many SKU’s. Rick says there’s a demand for “spears” but that yen is now satisfied with a classic dill sour (really crunchy and good) and the green bean and asparagus spears have been put out to pasture.

Most popular giveaway: showgoers who traveled across the country, and could have all the food they wanted, stood in a long line to get a tea press with the Tea Republic logo. Starbucks take note.

CES 2011: the chef has left the building

I did not have much luck finding a convection oven with multiple zones controlled from your iPad; in fact I had quite a bit of trouble locating the simple iGrill mentioned in my previous post on remote controlled household technologies. (If you happen to be at the show still, it’s in the Dr. Bott booth in the North Hall.)

Turns out there are just not a lot of technologies for controlling your home appliances remotely, not now and not in the immediate future. The closest I found to what I was looking for was a concept group from LG called the ThinQ; the ThinQ oven will tell you when its recipe is done and can be turned off or switched to warm from your handheld device. The ThinQ refrigerator knows what’s inside, so you can check in from the store if you forget whether you need milk or eggs. I also saw a Samsung refrigerator with a touchpad that accesses the internet and will check the weather or look up recipes; these are the key applications mentioned by a panel of working moms. But communication is one-way; you can’t input your own recipe for example. And all these devices are just ideas; they’ll never come to market in their current form.

If all you want to do is control electrical usage, we’re quite a bit further down the road as many manufacturers get ready for SmartGrid solutions that will adjust your power flow or delay electrical functions based on time-of-day metering. These devices talk to the utility’s smart meter via wireless or a powerline connection. Seems like it would be an easy enough thing to have the appliance accessible to the consumer, as well, via that same interface. And I hope some manufacturer or consortium of manufacturers will try that out soon. In the meantime, the IGrill looks pretty hip after all.

That’s it for CES; back to non-tech subjects in my next post.