Otis Regrets... or not

Heat Pump washer/dryer at CES

When air is compressed it gets hot. When it expands, it cools off. Add some kind of fan to circulate the hot and cold air and you have a heat pump—the technology behind refrigerators, air conditioners, home heating systems for some environments (where there is a considerable difference between the ambient temperature in two different places, e.g. the ground and the air)…. and now, washer/dryers.

Panasonic demonstrated this unit at the 2009 CES. I took a movie of it which is here, on YouTube. (sorry for all the noise… it’s CES!) Unfortunately, there are no plans to import this device to the US because the capacity is too small.

Makin’ bacon at Fancy Food Show

Like CES, the January 2009 Fancy Food Show is down a bit in both attendees and exhibitors. But there’s still room for people like Mr. Bacon here, and his product Bacon Salt which is based on the premise that “everything should taste like bacon”. It’s all vegan and there is a bacon survival kit including bacon chapstick, bacon flavored vegan-aise etc for converted vegetarians who miss the taste of bacon.

Footnote: Fancy Food is where food purveyors, mostly regional distributors or mom-and-pop shops, come to present their offerings to potential retailers or food service clients. There are also a number of international country-sponsored booths though those are really down this year.

AT&T: anti-marketing ninjas at work

So I am finally got my iPhone. Per the earlier post, my web order disappeared into automated customer service limbo yet was impossible to cancel until I called a live sales rep. Meanwhile the price dropped $50 so I place the order again and it goes through with me $50 richer and ATT $50 poorer. And with me, a long time AT&T customer who is now a “new” wireless customer, holding a vastly reduced favorable view of the company. How is this good for the shareholders?

For people who have to call customer service on their lunch hour, stories like this are just more yadda-yadda. But for the marketer came up with the promotion that drew me to AT&T at this particular moment, and is getting reviewed for it possibly with their job on the line, it’s not at all trivial. You did your best work, you got the click, and then the order was deep-sixed by a combination of bad IT architecture and moronic overview by whatever human is supposed to spot-check to ensure all is going well.

I will not bore you with the details of yet another poor customer service experience beyond citing a couple of particularly telling details:

* “Unfortunately, either we have not heard from you in several days, or you have chosen to cancel your order. In either case, this e-mail confirms your order cancellation”. That was in an email I got from AT&T during the first attempt to order. But notice we’re talking about two totally different customer relationship scenarios, and they’ve chosen to respond to both of them in the same email.

Why would this happen? Because some human life form has decided it is “too complicated” to have two different stock emails to respond to two different scenarios that create the same result. The computers don’t care! It is people thinking for the computers that is causing the problem here.

* Now I’ve finally got an order placed, and a confirmation email arrives: “Congratulations! You’re now part of the largest wireless community in America—71 million and growing! You will receive your new wireless phone in a few days.” Well that’s interesting news, since the original order confirmation promised two-day guaranteed delivery! There is also a tracking number in the email but when I click on it, it takes me to AT&T’s home page!

So recognizing it as a UPS number I go to their tracking page and do indeed find the package quickly and discover it actually will be delivered on time in spite of AT&T’s hedging.
Why didn’t they actually confirm that they were delivering on schedule in the confirming email? Why didn’t they reference my specific smart decision to buy an iPhone? You guessed it… they send the same confirming email to EVERYONE, regardless of what offer they responded to.

Just imagine the phone calls to customer service this generates. But there is apparently no consequence and no human cost to AT&T because they have no intention of answering those calls. They’ll be led through a phone tree and ultimately disconnected as I was in my first encounter.

I feel like such a whiner in describing all this but I actually do have a point worth making. In this terrible economy, when every company should be scrambling for every last potential order to keep its bottom line healthy and to keep employees employed, AT&T is running its business like there is money, and orders, to burn.

Much of this definitely goes to the laziness of midlevel IT and customer service folks who are scheming ways to go home on time, not to execute their job which should be to make things easier for the customer. But it also goes back to a hubris that has existed from the tim companies like AT&T established their websites… because face it, the web experience with any phone company is terrible.

What they did: get on the web early, because they’re an Important Company that needs a “web presence”, then cobble on an e-commerce function as an afterthought. Now the tail is wagging the dog because their ecommerce engine doesn’t work and the ridiculous official explanations sound like one of those clone commanders in Star Wars. What they should have done: emulate sites like amazon.com. (or, just emulate amazon.com) which realize that no order can be allowed to get away.

OLPC: when marketing doesn’t work

Give One Get One promotion — Give 1 Get 1 billboard

I find this disturbing: The One Laptop Per Child foundation repeated its “Give One Get One” program from 2007, apparently fixed all the problems from the year before (namely, virtually no promotion other than word of mouth and abysmal fulfillment/customer service)… and saw its sales drop by 93%.

This in spite of a mainstream ad campaign (including outdoor and television) and presumably seamless fulfillment through amazon.com.

The idea of this program is that you purchase two of OLPC’s mini-laptops and one is sent to a kid in a developing country and the other sent to you, allowing you to putz around and explore this approach to improving the world through technology. We did 2 G1G1s last year and it was a worthwhile experience.

But now, explaining the sales implosion, Nicolas Negroponte, the MIT professor who founded OLPC, told the Boston Globe “we’re not the newest game in town… the novelty has worn off.” Really? I would guess that the 2008 campaign reached millions of qualified donors who never even heard of the concept until now.

A better explanation is probably the economy. Most donation-supported organizations are having a tough year, and maybe the people who were most likely to be fascinated enough by the G1G1 concept turned out to be exactly those least able to afford $400 to participate.

But still… a 93% sales fall-off in spite of a marketing campaign that appeared to do everything right. For those of us who live and die by results, that’s a bunch of cold water in the face.

CES 2009: down, but not out

Advance registrations at the Consumer Electronics Show were down 5-7%, but the real question, since most industry folks get in free, was how many would actually show up. Good news. Floor traffic is fine and it’s too packed to move in many places, just like regular years.

Environmentally-sensitive kelp speakers, from Panasonic

Most interesting for me from a marketing perspective were the home monitoring systems, including one from client Schlage locks. Via a low-power wireless mesh network you can lock and unlock your doors, turn lights on and off, and regulate your home entertainment system. With an extra subscription you can log on remotely and see if your kids got home on time (because each family member has their own code to unlock the front door), if you remembered to close the garage door, or preheat the oven. And because every product has to have an environmental angle this year, these systems also have energy components that can dim your lights when you leave the room or turn off the power if you forget.

A few other items of interest:

Finally, a flat screen TV that actually is as thin as a sheet of glass, from LG.
3D televisions, complete with 3D goggles, were everywhere. My favorite was LG again, maybe because they had the best movie playing (a scary Korean animation about a kid, a robot, and a nuclear winter).
Minoru, The world’s first 3D webcam and Sergio iSpin, a sophisticated DJ remix station for your iPod, both not prototypes but selling right now for under $100 on Amazon.
Minoru, the 3d webcam
Beatbot, a puffy robot containing a webcam which can be made to react to stimuli. This is used not for play but as therapy for children; they can interact with the robot directly and make it do things and the webcam can watch what they are doing and track improvements over time.

And this year’s favorite tcotchke: from Cirago, a solar powered LED keychain!

Need customer service? Call a salesperson.

So I got a new iPhone for Christmas! Gift from my wife, but it’s hard to handle somebody else’s details so placed the order myself… a refurbished 16 GB from AT&T at a $50 savings, with guaranteed 2 day delivery, what could be better? But when the phone did not arrive today as promised, I realized such smooth service from a wireless company was too good to be true. And took a leap into the AT&T customer service rabbit/rat hole.

I jumped in by clicking through to the “order status” link on my confirming email. The web site said ATT had no record of that order. I called the customer service number on the email (800-331-0500) and after I provided much information to gain access to a rep, got a recording “we are unable to transfer your call.” Here’s an idea! I have a landline account so I’ll login in that way and see if I can talk to somebody. I get a message “we are unable to accommodate your request at this time.”

So I am stuck, right? No, I have one avenue left which is where I recommend you go whenever you are met with a customer service roadblock: call the SALES department. Unlike customer service or tech support, they will always have plenty of people to answer their phones. And they have the clout to get in through a back door to the customer service department when a lowly customer would be denied.

The sales guy was prompt and helpful. My order did exist but its status was “pending” because of “credit review”… this for a 20 year AT&T customer who never has paid a bill late. He cancelled the order for me and I guess we are both better off. Though in this economy it would certainly seem that AT&T would want a few thousand dollars in guaranteed commitment from me.

Macworld is dead

Trade shows are a bonanza for the tech-focused copywriter. In a couple of frenzied days you can see dozens of presentations, stuff several tote bags full of competitive literature, and eavesdrop to see what makes your target prospect’s face light up when the demo guy presses the hot buttons related to blade servers or email encryption or some similar arcane topic.

Sadly, in person trade shows are getting harder to justify when it’s so easy to just get information online and see demos on YouTube. Comdex was my favorite show but it took a hiatus after 9/11 and never came back. Networld/Interop kept shrinking to smaller and smaller spaces at the Las Vegas Convention Center and eventually moved to the Mandalay… still cool t-shirts, though. And now Apple announces it is pulling out of the Macworld show held annually in San Francisco in January.

Macworld was always an odd duck to me, being a Mac user. Back in the 90s when a guy nicknamed “Der Diesel” ran the company, it was mainly a place to pick up software bargains. (This was before online commerce.) There’s very little sold on the floor in recent years and it has a very cultish feel, with a huge Apple temple that occupies about a third of the space and thousands of people lined up to try the newest laptop or music device which they could just as easily find out about in an Apple store. The sponsor, IDG, says the show will go on without Apple but no way. Stick a fork in it, it’s done.

Meanwhile, I am off to the Consumer Electronics Show in a couple weeks which though down a bit from its peak, has prospered by absorbing castoffs from other shows. Now you can see many of the more businesslike IT vendors alongside the robots, gamers and giant screen TVs.

Meme marketing with Netflix

My wife’s always been in charge of our Netflix queue, but I recently got my own account. This gave me the opportunity to discover something most folks are very familiar with—what it feels like to peel back that red sheet as the first step toward a positive experience.

Opening the Netflix envelope is a meme—a cultural experience that can be readily understood and transferred from one individual to another. And it can be useful to marketers because when you understand a meme, you can piggyback on it to present your own message in a way that echoes that meme.

I paid close attention to how you deal with that end seal and the slight confusion (for that first-timer) of opening the flap in a way that would not destroy the postage paid envelope used to send the DVD back. I lingered on the tear-off sheet I was discarding, wanting to make sure I did not throw away something that might be either an order confirmation or a savings coupon.

So here’s an idea. What would happen if you sent out a direct mailing in a similar format to the Netflix envelope, maybe selling a magazine subscription? You wouldn’t want to fake the look of the Netflix… you’d get sued, plus recipients would be angry at the bait and switch. Rather, you’d echo key components of the experience—like the feeling of peeling back the flap.

You might get a positive subliminal reaction… the reader sniffing something good in the offering… that would translate to a better opening rate for your mailing and a more careful reading. If you did it right, people wouldn’t notice at all you were emulating Netflix. That’s good meme marketing.

What we can learn from Cole Slaw

Cole slaw, that happy transformation of cabbage into a tart and appealing salad, has to be one of our most healthy, tasty and also inexpensive foods. So why is it that when we order a meal with a “side of cole slaw” these days it’s often served in a micro-cup that would be better suited to sample collection in the doctor’s office?

My theory is that this is related to the predatory financial practices that got us into our current mess. Once you’ve settled on a business model that markets home equity loans to widows on social security, why stop there? Let’s wring a few more pennies from the populace by downsizing the cole slaw served with their early bird specials.

Which is all the more reason that the pictured side of cole slaw, at Compton’s in Saratoga NY, is so reassuring. This is what a side of cole slaw should look like. (Note also the romaine and 3 slices of tomato which are not even mentioned on the menu—a garnish reminiscent of a bygone day.)

I’ve been through multiple market downturns in my copywriting career. Each time, I had some clients who took the stance that you need to maintain or even increase your marketing budget because that’s when you buy market share, on the cheap, from competitors who are cutting back.

Compton’s is doing the same thing in their marketplace, and they’ve won my business. I’m going back at lunchtime for a burger… and a side of cole slaw.

Copywriting that Gets Results!

The first time I taught my copywriting course for the DMA, I called it “Direct Response Copywriting”. After the initial semester I realized I should be practicing what I preach and I retitled it “Copywriting That Gets Results”—a description that, like all good direct response copywriting, contains a benefit for the reader.

RESULTS can be measured in orders, sales dollars, leads generated etc. But they can also be measured in success in landing a job or convincing an audience of your political views, among many other potential examples. And one of the best reasons to develop the skill of “copywriting that gets results” is that it helps you become more successful anytime you want to use words to convince someone.

Robert Collier put it this way in his 1930’s classic Letter Book: “Little Willy wants an extra slice of bread and jam; sister wants 15 cents for the movies; Dad is scheming how to get out of the house for lodge that night, and Mother is planning to have Dad sweep out the cellar–while around the corner the Preacher is planning a visit on the household to make it more church conscious and one and all, have their own pet ‘TESTED SELLING SENTENCES’ they plan to use on one another!”

This is the first of a series of posts in which I’ll reprise the DMA copywriting class which I’ve taught for several years in the bay area, most recently at UC Extension. Please check back often, or just subscribe to the RSS feed.