Does your copy have a “voice”? Should it?

One of my favorite direct mail letters of all time came from someone called the “Scripps Center for Executive Health”. The first few paragraphs go like this:

Dear Mr. Maxwell:

In the next 30 seconds, someone will die of a heart attack. In the next 53 seconds, someone will have a stroke. In the next 60 seconds, someone will die of cancer. All in the U.S.A. And have I mentioned that about one-third of all deaths from cardiovascular disease occur prematurely, before age 75.

Hello, Mr. Maxwell… I’m still trying to get your attention.

Let’s face it. We men tend to resist health advice rather stubbornly. If you agree, remember that the difference between my male stubbornness and yours is what I’ve seen as a physician. So if you think you don’t need what I’ve been writing you about, here’s one more wakeup call:

You need a wholeperson picture of your health.

This letter is wrong on so many levels, but most of all it’s the voice. The writer starts by throwing cold water in the reader’s face although he can’t resist being a wise guy with the “have I mentioned”.  After shouting at me in the indented subhead, he puts his arm around my shoulder but I am going to push it away because I don’t feel like being friendly with this person who was so recently pummeling me. Too late, he reveals something that I would have no way of knowing—he’s a doctor. Then he morphs into a new age healer with the deadly invented word “wholeperson”. At this point I threw the letter in the trash—though fortunately I retrieved it so I could share it with you.

A letter is always “from” someone and if you don’t keep your voice consistent you will give your audience one more excuse to head for the exits while your play is still in its first act. The most common error (you see this in television infomercials, too) is to build rapport with a personal and emotional tone, then break the spell with a hard sell call to action. Or, to speak to the reader in a human, personal way and suddenly switch to jargon or legalese.

On the other hand, you can help your cause by adopting an appropriate persona such as the subject matter expert, the fellow enthusiast, or the kindly mentor (this is the character that often sells product to a senior audience, and it may be what my wholeperson writer had in mind before the letter went off the tracks.)

Other media can have a voice too, even if it’s a catalog or informational website. The writer is the friendly, approachable tour guide, anticipating the reader’s needs and questions. And an occasional aside can make it more interesting: I once did a catalog of repetitive sports fan merchandise (the same bobblehead or jersey, repeated with a description for every team you could imagine) and it helped keep the interest of the reader to invent a copywriter who was the owner’s assistant, making his own comments on the items.

Excerpted from my new book, Copywriting that Gets RESULTS! Get your copy here.