Otis Regrets... or not

KISS: selling complex products with simple messages

Rovi Bridezilla Ad — Rovi "Bridzilla" Ad in today's Ad Age. Thanks to client Bill Smith and his trusty iPhone.

I’m on a panel at this fall’s DMA called “K.I.S.S – Keys to Copy & Content that Generate Results”. My partners in crime are Dawn Wolfe from Autodesk and Philip Reynolds from pharma agency Palio. The idea is to talk about strategies for translating complex products or services into simple and universal human language that sells.

I’m thinking of using this Rovi promo, which appears in today’s Ad Age, as an example. Rovi does the ads that appear within onscreen television guides and other formats where the viewer is actively involved with a remote or other electronic device; viewers aren’t dozing or distracted so this is an attractive option for media buyers, our target audience. A bit complex so we boiled it down to this idea of the bridezilla who is so enamored of her remote that she can’t put it down even in the wedding chapel.

The antonym of this is the ads you’ll find in any issue of Wired or Fast Company for high-performance automobiles or audiovisual equipment. Those ads typically use visual metaphors of power and performance and expect the reader to be awed, not involved.

The session is happening on October 17, so plenty o’ time to noodle on this. If you have any thoughts or examples on this topic, please send them along!

The meaning of “The Weight” by Robbie Robertson and The Band

This week marked the passing of Levon Helm, the acrid-voiced drummer and vocalist for The Band and my neighbor in upstate New York. I had not realized there was confusion about the significance of the lyrics in one of their best-known songs, “The Weight”. Wikipedia currently tells us the song is about a visit to the Martin guitar company in Nazareth, PA which is total horseshit. Here are the lyrics, followed by the actual explanation:

I pulled into Nazareth, was feelin’ about half past dead;
I just need some place where I can lay my head.
“Hey, mister, can you tell me where a man might find a bed?”
He just grinned and shook my hand, and “No!”, was all he said.

(Chorus:)
Take a load off Anny, take a load for free;
Take a load off Anny, And (and) (and) you can put the load right on me.

I picked up my bag, I went lookin’ for a place to hide;
When I saw Carmen and the Devil walkin’ side by side.
I said, “Hey, Carmen, come on, let’s go downtown.”
She said, “I gotta go, but m’friend can stick around.”

(Chorus)

Go down, Miss Moses, there’s nothin’ you can say
It’s just ol’ Luke, and Luke’s waitin’ on the Judgement Day.

“Well, Luke, my friend, what about young Anna Lee?”
He said, “Do me a favor, son, woncha stay an’ keep Anna Lee company?”

(Chorus)

Crazy Chester followed me, and he caught me in the fog.
He said, “I will fix your rack, if you’ll take Jack, my dog.”
I said, “Wait a minute, Chester, you know I’m a peaceful man.”
He said, “That’s okay, boy, won’t you feed him when you can.”

(Chorus)

Catch a cannon ball now, t’take me down the line
My bag is sinkin’ low and I do believe it’s time.
To get back to Miss Fanny, you know she’s the only one.
Who sent me here with her regards for everyone.

Explanation:

The whole business about Nazareth, PA which is mentioned on Wikipedia is a total misdirection. This is a song about Jesus’ crucifixion and “Nazareth” fit better than “Jerusalem” in a melodic sense.

The “he” in the first verse is of course Jesus. The anonymous narrator comes off the dusty road as Jesus is about to be crucified and runs into him coincidentally. Jesus in spite of his larger concerns addresses the insignificant narrator… a frequently seen scenario in ancient runes like Beowulf by the way.

“Anny” and “Anna Lee” are amalgams of Mary Magdalene. Who was not a real person but a composite representing a flawed, all-too-human follower of Jesus.

The “Miss Moses” verse is simply a nod to Biblical characters, Jesus speaking to his tradition.

Crazy Chester is Judas. The “dog” is a metaphor for any situation in which somebody comes out of left field and imposes themselves on you and you feel oddly compelled to oblige. “Fix your rack” can be taken as a prevision of Jesus on the cross.

Time passes after this verse. I think the gap in time was informed not so much by Bunuel (which seems like total horseshit and misdirection) as by the films of Peckinpah and Bogdanovich popular at this time, which typically featured a sequence of individual set pieces adding up to a total narrative. It’s as if a couple of verses were written, then deleted. “Fanny” is both Mary Magdalene (not that surprising that somebody dying of crucifixion would confuse “Anny” and “Fanny”) and God.

That’s what the song is about. [This post has been updated.]

A crowdsourced credit card… WTF?

BarclayCard Ring MasterCard — My invitation from BarclayCard. Click to see it on their website full size.

Well, this is different. This afternoon I got an email from BarclayCard, with the subject line “Crowdsourced Credit Card – Join the Conversation”. Inside is a message that starts:

Believe it or not, we’d like to see the credit card industry change just as much as you would. We’re people, too. With bills. With families. And we think it’s time for a change. We believe we can give you a simpler credit card product, still make a profit, and then ultimately share that success with you. We’re inviting you to join Barclaycard Ring—a credit card that’s driven by its community of cardmembers. Your actions will determine the financial performance of the community, and the better the community does, the more profit we’ll be able to share with you through our estimated profit sharing program called Giveback.™³

The actual terms of the card are pretty good. 8% annual APR, no annual fee and no balance transfer fees. But what’s really interesting is the Giveback feature. So it’s like a rewards program, except the reward will be determined in part by the above mentioned Giveback program.

There’s very little about this card in Google at the moment, and it appears I may be an Alpha recipient. Nerdwallet has a good writeup in which they quote this little bit from the Barclay’s website: “This profit sharing feature is not based on the actual profits of the program. Instead, the Giveback program contains a transparent calculation that is used to determine what will be shared with the community members and which may or may not approximate actual profits.”

Color me a bit suspicious and cynical, especially because I have no idea how this solicitation made its way to my inbox. There is no attribution to a third party transmitter, and looking at my email archive it does not appear that I have a relationship with Barclay’s unless they are the same folks who sell wine by mail. But, I’ll go ahead and check it out and report back if I find anything interesting.

Beware, legal beagles at work

How would you like to win a new Ford “Focus”? Probably not a lot because putting the name in quotes is akin to a wink. It’s not really a Focus but a Yugo with a Focus skin of some sort. Or, it’s a cake in the shape of a Ford Focus. Whatever, your response is likely “do not want” and that’s bad news if there is a copywriter who wrote that promo and is getting paid for it.

I mused on this when I saw this ad in the NY Subway last week. And those aren’t really quotes around the word “Focus”. Click on the thumbnail and look at it full size and you’ll see there is actually a register mark after the “Ford” and a TM after “Focus”. WTF?

What is happening here is that some legal beagle is trying to justify their paycheck, unfortunately at the expense of yours. By mindlessly second-guessing the concerns of some other legal beagle in a second company who is also trying to justify their paycheck, they will insist on a trademark or register mark every time a brand is mentioned. They may also insist on the insertion of qualifiers when none are needed, eg changing “you’ll enjoy driving this car” to “you may enjoy driving this car”.

Why is this harmful? First because it’s idiotic. Second because the little rat-turd looking legal marks clutter up the visual appearance and make the copy difficult to read. Third because it removes any artifice that makes it seem that your communication is “real” vs. hucksterism.

I once backed a very senior legal person into a corner at a large publishing company. They told me that if you use a register mark or other qualifier the first time you mention a brand name on an element, and either credit the owner in a footnote or else simply say that “all trademarks are the property of their respective owners” then you’re good. If it’s a multi-component direct mail package you’d need to do this once on the outer envelope, once on the letter, once on the brochure and so on. Then you’re covered. Anything beyond this is legal self-gratification and self-manipulation and you should fight hard against it.

Welcome back, Lands End copywriter!

: Got to love an all-copy cover!

In my copywriting class I use the Lands End catalog as an example of great catalog copywriting. They are unexcelled at building on details about a fabric or a tailoring process until it becomes irresistible. The story may be about a buyer’s obsessive desire to solve a fitting problem, or about the scientific process by which a synthetic fleece can be light yet warm. Often it’s accompanied by personality profiles of a tailor or a happy wearer.

If you are used to seeing Lands End catalogs in the mail, you probably have no idea what I am talking about… because in fact the examples I use are well over a decade old, before Lands End was acquired by Sears. Recent Lands End catalogs are pretty much like any other midrange fashion retailer’s.

Which is why I was so excited by the spring Men’s book in the mail last week. The cover and the first six pages are all about Irish linen. “We could bring you assembly line linen at a lower price but wouldn’t you rather have the real thing? Here’s the very best, the linen of knights and kings, fearless RAF pilots and world famous rogues.” That’s the headline of the opening spread and I’m already reaching for my credit card even though not a single product is sold here.

The sell begins comes on the next spread, which educates us about the fabric: “Linen comes from long, golden fibers encased inside the woody stalks of the flax plant. Extracting them takes months, which is why fine linen is so prized. The basic steps have changed little from the time of the pharaohs…” Note that these are generic descriptions of linen, but because Lands End takes the trouble to research and tell us its story, the fabric becomes uniquely theirs by default.

The next spread is about linen pants and it has a little repetition, making me wonder if they hired some superstar copywriter and could only afford a few copy blocks, which were then cut and pasted to create new ones. If so, I hope it’s one of the old crew lured out of retirement.

If you received this catalog, take a close look at it… there’s much to be learned. (And order from it, so Sears will discover hard sell is not always the best sell.) If not, I’m delighted to find there’s a continuing feature online called “Anchors of Style” (terrible non-descriptive title incidentally) in which part of the linen story is currently available here.

Specifics sell… provided they’re the RIGHT specifics.

We talked recently about the importance of being specific in your selling copy. Now here’s more. 381 words more, to be specific.

I found an interesting example of specific selling on the Marketing Experiments Blog… the same folks who brought us the fascinating subject line contest. A marketer changed this line on an ecommerce page:

Simple Fix for Blown Head Gaskets

to this one:

Repair Blown Head Gaskets in Just One Hour

The result? Combine with some other redos, the second headline brought a 58.1% (no, not “nearly 60%”) increase in conversions. Of course you want to know what those other redos are and in fact there was a considerable redesign. But the most important thing about the page didn’t change: a decision to show the actual product, which is obviously a liquid in a bottle.

If you have ever done work on internal combustion engines, you know that a permanent solution for blown head gaskets does not come in a bottle. You have to take the heads off and replace the gaskets which is a time consuming, dirty job. Presumably this liquid is some kind of magic sealant which will ooze into the cracks or warped areas and plug them up, thus reducing the loss of compression which is why blown head gaskets are a problem. But it sounds kind of too good to be true, right?

So if I see “a simple fix” and then a bottle, I’m going to reject it before going further. But if I see “repairs in one hour” then I might consider it; that’s not a big commitment and I will also notice the page offers a money-back guarantee. The ad is engaging with me in a context where I will find its selling proposition acceptable.

This case history (which is presented in an online class that lasts nearly an hour, so it’s great value for the bargain price of free) demonstrates the importance of the RIGHT specifics in your marketing proposition. “Simple fix” is actually a pretty good phrase… two powerful selling words in there. But it’s the wrong message to this audience about this product. “Repairs in one hour” is more specific but more important it’s credible. Good job to the copywriter and the rest of the team for doing their homework.

47 reasons that specifics sell in copy

Herschell Gordon Lewis has a great example about the value of specifics in copywriting. It’s a fundraising headline to the effect of “about 200,000 children will die of starvation in Africa without your help.” The word “about” sucks the urgency and empathy out of the statement like a needle puncturing a balloon. If the copywriter didn’t care enough to find out a more accurate number, why should you care?

Specific numbers and statements help prospects visualize what they’re actually going to get when they respond to your advertising. Specifics are more believable and smell less like puffery. Specifics are also a kind of rite of passage for a copywriter… they show your bosses, your clients and ultimately the recipient that you’ve done your homework.

Which is more credible? 100% pure, or 99.44% pure? The latter, obviously. It’s also better than 99.99% (a number you frequently see applied to IT system uptime and other quality-controlled processes) because it’s so random it could only have been arrived at through careful research. (Bonus question: what is the product, and when was the slogan first used? You probably know the first answer but I’ll bet you’ll be surprised at the second. Proves that good copywriters have known this strategy for a very long time.)

Which is more credible? 30 days to a better figure, or lose weight fast? The first one, and 29 or 31 days would have been even better because of the apparent randomness as noted above.

Bad: many reasons to buy now. Better: 10 reasons to buy now. Best: 9 reasons to buy now. If there really are only 9 reasons, why pad it to get to a nice round number?

I realize I’m far short of 47 reasons, but I think I’ve made my point. And by the way, have you ever noticed how often the number 47 appears in narratives, especially science fiction narratives? One reason is that it appears to be the ultimate random number. But actually, it isn’t.

Are you still surprised?

Viewers of this year’s NCAA March Madness On Demand see two commercials over and over again: a Buick ad where Peter Frampton sits in for the missing guitarist in the bar band, and a Coke Zero where a guy about to be executed by firing squad gets his last wish “and … ?”

Both are great spots the first time you see them because they rely on the unexpected, and they continue to be enjoyable the next few times as the message sinks in… then they become really, really irritating. The fault is not so much with the creative as the media buy: who knew they would be played to the point of exhaustion? Well, somebody did, but they didn’t bother to inform the creatives.

But actually there is something wrong with the creative: in both cases it has nothing to do with the product being sold. I bet you didn’t know that was a Buick ad till I reminded you (I had thought it was Hyundai, till I went back and checked). A desire for “more” could be applied to any of life’s positive experiences. These ads never go beneath the surface which is one reason they get tiresome so quickly.

If you’re creating campaigns and messages, think about the implications. Is there a way to make your message evergreen so people continue to be receptive after multiple viewings or readings? Think of a book or movie you like that becomes more interesting the second time through. What is it that keeps you involved… a story twist you didn’t notice the first time? Maybe a subtle graphic detail? And the plot itself is probably deeply satisfying, like the stories that ancient peoples told over and over till they became part of their identity.

Is there a way to make your ad that good? It’s worth trying, at least.

You are in the top 2% of copywriters… now prove it!

At the conclusion of my 2-day copywriting intensive for the DMA, there is a graduation ceremony. I tell my students thanks to what they’ve just learned, they have a better chance of success than 98% of professional copywriters… and I mean it. By understanding some basic selling techniques, how to organize and present their work, and how to manage copywriting as a business, they’re way ahead of the game in terms of winning controls, getting promotions, or making a living as a freelancer.

There is currently a great opportunity for you to prove that you’re smarter than the average bear, at least as a copywriter. The Marketing Sherpa/Optimization Summit people are having a subject line contest! The email’s already written (to promote the event, obv) and you just need to add a subject line which you will do by entering it as a comment. A few semifinalists will be chosen by a panel of experts and then these will actually be tested in email transmissions, and the best subject line gets a free pass to the conference. (It’s in Denver at a great time of year, early June, and it’s worth $1900.)

And, since the submissions are in the comments field, you can read what your competitors are coming up with. (Not all of them though; there’s a glitch on the website that keeps some comments from being presented.) You may well think, as I did after reading a few of them, that you can do better. So go for it!

If you want to brush up your skills before packing your bags, read a few posts from the Copywriting 101 category on this website. Or better yet, buy my book. And yes, I plan to enter the contest myself, so bring your best game sucka!

I saw what you did

Years ago, around the turn of the millennium, I was walking near the Conservatory of Flowers in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park when I saw an impeccably dressed man blow his nose and then toss his tissue into the manicured garden. I was outraged at this behavior and also by the realization that, since I myself was too meek to beard him, he was about to get away scott free.

It was at that moment I decided to create an online bulletin board where people could register outrageous things they saw other people do. On some level, miscreants like this could be brought to justice if only in the mind of the poster. I registered the domain name that day: isawwhatyoudid.com.

That was a nasty and brutish era where there was no Facebook, no Twitter (imagine!) which today could serve the purpose of venting my outrage. I never got around to doing anything more with the concept and after a couple of years I let my ownership of the domain lapse. It was immediately snatched up by Warner Brothers, probably as the website for a teen movie they were planning. But the movie never got off the planning stage, they in turn let their ownership expire, and I bought it back again.

I think this website could still be useful today, for a somewhat different purpose. Above is a photo of an outrageously worthless product I bought at my local CVS pharmacy. It’s a travel-size bottle to be filled with shampoo or whatever, and it’s an abomination because the screw top doesn’t seal. If I had taken this on a trip it would have leaked all over and made a mess when air pressure changed on the airplane.

At $1.99 my reasonable response would have been to just throw it away, but instead I took it to CVS and got a refund and asked the cashier, a competent woman named Jodi, if she would report it to corporate and ask them to stop carrying this defective product. She said she would but I have doubts how much difference it will make. So let’s suppose I also record my story on isawwhatyoudid.com. In its new configuration the site is not going to be an organized BBS, just a soup of angst where people can post whatever they like (except there will be an adult content filter) and it goes into a searchable database.

Thus, months after my experience, when another customer has their Louis Vuitton toilet bag ruined by one of these bottles and sees that CVS was asked to stop selling them but did not, then they will have some fodder for appropriate action. Make sense? There will also be a tag cloud documenting the frequency with which certain words or phrases are used…. Unlike the tag cloud on this blog, which is created manually, it will grow organically like a boil to reflect current topics. Commonly used words will be excluded from the tag cloud and there will be extra weight for recency so it’s constantly changing and relevant.

Actually, I’m probably going to be too busy to do anything with this for awhile. If any of my readers wants to take this project on, shoot me an email.