Welcome to the year of crappy customer service

2011 was a year I’m happy to be done with. So, I expect, are Netflix, Bank of America and Verizon, who saw their ill-advised attempts to insert a direct tap into their customers’ wallets flame out in 2 months, 5 weeks and 2 days respectively.

Doesn’t anybody do customer research any more? Wouldn’t it be a better idea to find out how your customers are going to react before you implement a toxic new policy? B of A and Verizon wanted to charge customers for using a debit card and paying a bill online; since those policies subsequently were reversed they’re fiscally in the same place as before but with bad press and a lot of pissed-off customers. Netflix soldiered on with its plan to separate its DVD delivery and streaming content, but paid a terrible price in subscribers and market value. How is any of this a benefit to the shareholders?

I guess it’s good news that the cycle of mea culpa is getting shorter, as noted above. But meanwhile I’ve noticed a couple of new assaults on my wallet from smaller companies and wonder if it’s part of a larger trend to put short term revenues ahead of longer term customer loyalty and common sense.

I previously wrote about Boingo and their “good news” that I could now download an updated version of their wireless roaming app that allowed me to use just two devices in my account rather than have unlimited access. I cancelled, but then I recently found myself in the BWI airport needing wireless access and was tempted by an offer to get a $25 American Express gift card after 2 months of service. So I re-upped, after discovering out something interesting: of the three different devices I was carrying, each received a different offer when I went to boingo.com. My laptop (where I’d received the email) told me I could join for $9.95 a month and made no mention of the gift card. My tablet offered the gift card and $9.95 a month. My Android had the gift card for the rate of $7.95 a month so that’s how I joined. But I don’t need a wireless service on my cell phone since it has an unlimited data plan so I went through the process of registering my laptop and tablet and was told oops, I’ve reached my 2 device limit.

Turns out the very act of signing up had registered the cell as one of my two devices and now my only option is to cancel it, effective at the end of the billing period one month hence. So I’m down to one device during this period and then can register my second device. Just way too much clunkiness for customer satisfaction and what makes it all more irritating is that Boingo has this breezy website where a message “oops… something has gone wrong” that pops up way too often and only serves to increase my irritation with that man behind the curtain.

A more disturbing revenue tactic was applied by Bill Me Later after I tried to take advantage of an offer for $15 off when I paid for an eBay transaction through their service. I was told online that, for unspecified reasons, they were unable to process my payment so fine, I paid through Paypal. I then started to get daily voicemails from somebody who left a message saying “This is the fraud department at ramamafoqw calling about a recent transaction…” They didn’t exactly say ramamafoqw but they did mumble the company name. After several calls I realized they were saying “Bill Me Later.” I called the number and got a message “we’re sorry, no one is available.” Finally their representative reached me live and it turned out the purpose of this “fraud alert” was to set up an account, but not offer me the $15 credit since that one had expired.

So that’s downright deceptive… using the fraud alert concept, which has struck terror into the heart of every consumer at one time or another, to make the customer pay attention so you can sell them a service. (And how did they get my number? Well, turns out Bill Me Later is owned by Paypal…) What this has in common with Boingo, and also the three giant companies mentioned above, is that nobody applied the sniff test. As in, “this will hopefully make us some money but is it going to make our customers more loyal and satisfied, or less?” If that question is no longer relevant, then it’s going to be a long year.

P.S. Reading over this post, my experiences do sound a bit down in the weeds and yes I do have better things to do than chasing after $25 gift cards. But these are the hooks marketers use to get customers and prospects involved, and if they don’t provide a satisfactory customer experience or are perceived as deceptive then sales will suffer and more than likely we in the marketing department will get the blame.

Why copywriting is like selling (part 7)

It is hard to avoid sexual analogies with the “close” but I will try. This is the part where the sale wraps up and the salesperson gets the act of commitment—a satisfying reward for handling the previous steps in a methodical and unhurried manner. The copywriting counterpart should be just as satisfying because this is where you get your reader to respond to your call to action; if you have a good and smart client, the higher percentage of people who respond, the more you will get paid.

Because it is so important and satisfying, salespeople like to linger a bit on the close and add a bit of art to it. There is lots of ink on best/proven/classic closing techniques. A good salesperson will first make a trial close in which they soften up the prospect to get them to agree to a small point before proceeding to the actual sale. (Example: “Sounds like the hatchback is a better fit for your family’s needs, am I right?”) Then they might use the assumptive close in which they act as if the sale has already been consummated and query on a subsequent point (“Will you be using a credit card for this?”) or the alternative close which also makes an assumption and gives the reader a subsequent choice (“Now, do you want that in red or black?”)

Roy Chitwood, whom I’ve quoted throughout this series, offers The Guaranteed Close: “If we can (reprise something the prospect said was important) then can you think of any reason we shouldn’t (consummate the agreement)?” E.g. “If we can get those red slipcovers you liked, can you think of any reason we shouldn’t get the paperwork started?” The beauty part is that the salesperson gets the sale by making the prospect say “no”.

Good direct response copywriters will close the sale in a manner that’s quite different but leads to the same outcome. They will sprinkle their emails, web pages or letters with repeated brief calls to action because you never know when you’ve provided the right amount of sell for some readers to make a commitment. Then, for those who have stuck with you all the way to the end (this applies mainly to classic long-form direct mail letters), reward them with a wind-up in which you:

  • Spell out in detail all the benefits that are waiting for the prospect, accompanied by a description of the response options available (today it’s usually click the link or call).
  • Couple this with your guarantee that proves there is absolutely no reason NOT to say yes.
  • Include a limited time offer if you have one, or penalty for NOT responding. (Only 25 attendees can be accommodated to insure personal attention to each student! This guide is available in very limited quantities and when they’re gone, they’re gone!)

Then you’re done… as is this 7-part series, in which we have mused upon how good copywriting follows many of the same formulas as face to face selling. If you’ve joined us late, please go back and start from the beginning. Thanks for reading!

Excerpted from my new book, Copywriting that Gets RESULTS! Get your copy here.

How copywriting is like selling (part 6)

The general public has an image of “pushy salespeople” who cajole or badger them into buying something they don’t want or need. But good salespeople don’t actually do this. Instead, after they have presented the benefits of their product or service they will tease out any objections in the prospect’s mind and then respond to those before closing the sale.

Objections, also known as FUD (fears, uncertainties and doubts), are perceived reasons not to make a purchase that is otherwise attractive. By making an objection, the prospect is giving the salesperson a clue about something important to them. And by completely and correctly answering the objection, the salesperson can actually increase the prospect’s commitment level.

For example, if the prospect says it’s too expensive the salesperson can point out how it will actually save money, how not having it is costing them money, how the price is likely to be higher tomorrow.  If they say they want to shop around the salesperson will ask what they’re looking for from the competition and then prove how this product solves the problem in the best possible way.

So how does a copywriter answer objections, when you don’t have the reader in front of you to gauge their reaction to your written sales pitch? One answer is research—which can come from talking to a sales rep or product manager, reading up on the industry you’re selling to, or ideally from information in a good creative brief. You’re looking for big objections—the top one or two reasons buyers don’t buy—because that’s all you have time to respond to in your copy without getting off track.

A good example is the control direct mail I wrote for Geneva, a merger and acquisition consultant which wants to get business owners to attend a free seminar on how to evaluate their business. (The letter from this package is available on my website.) The #1 objection that business owners put forward was that they couldn’t admit to themselves (or to their employees) that they would consider selling the business. So we created a lift note that said just that with a pull quote on the outside: “I’m not about to sell my business… not after all the work I put into it!” And inside they read the story of a peer who felt the same way, but got a fabulous offer for more than he thought the business could possibly be worth. Objection answered.

Also, if you’re selling via direct response, certain objections come with the territory since customers can’t touch and feel the product. Will it work as advertised? What if it’s delivered and I don’t like it when I see it? And the answer is to paint very clear word pictures of how great it will be to use the product so the reader starts to visualize themselves doing just that, successfully, and becomes invested in your pitch. Couple this with a strong, clearly stated no-risk guarantee and you’re on your way.

Next time: we’ll conclude this series with thoughts on “The Guaranteed Close”.

Excerpted from my new book, Copywriting that Gets RESULTS! Get your copy here.

How copywriting is like selling (part 5)

According to sales trainer Roy Chitwood, every prospect makes the same 5 buying decisions and they always make them in the same order:

1. About you… are you a person I want to do business with?
2. About the company you work for or represent.
3. About your product or service.
4. About the price of the product or service you are selling.
5. About the time to buy.

Most copywriters spend all their time on step 3. But if you haven’t established credibility and trust, it doesn’t matter how appealing your product or service is because your audience doesn’t believe you are capable of providing it. And until you have created a need in the reader’s mind, it doesn’t matter how affordable it is or if you can buy one get one free for a limited time. (Which is why it’s rarely a good idea to use a price discount offer in prospecting for new leads.)

In my copywriting class we go through a role playing exercise where one student is a salesperson following Chitwood’s Track Selling method, and the other is the owner of a small insurance agency acting as the prospect. The prospect needs a new high speed copier but is concerned about cost and ease of use. However, they are also embarrassed that the current copier makes poor copies that do not represent the agency well. It’s the salesperson’s job to dig out these needs and concerns (which are described on a briefing sheet the salesperson does not see) and get an act of commitment.

This exercise happens shortly before lunch the first day, and I usually have two or three pairs of students go through it. Very few of these students have ever sold anything face to face before. The exercise gives them new respect for the concept of selling through your copy, as opposed to the straightforward presentation of technical features which is what most of them do in their marcom jobs.

Yet the salesperson’s job is easier in one way, because they have the prospect in front of them and can modify their pitch on the fly based on audience reaction. Next time: how you can too, sort of, in the way you handle objections and FUDs.

Excerpted from my new book, Copywriting that Gets RESULTS! Get your copy here.

Why copywriting is like selling (part 4)

If you’ve been following this series you are now at the point where you have a good idea of the buyer’s interests and concerns. It’s time to show how your product and service matches those interests and solves those problems because it always does, right?

A tyro copywriter will do this with features: throwing out a razzle-dazzle of technical information and forgetting to tie it back to the reasons people buy. (Remember, prospects may evaluate a product logically but their ultimate buying decision will always be emotional.) An experienced copywriter will always translate those features into benefits… how a technical characteristic answers one of the many cravings we talked about last time.

Even better is something called “FABS” which I was trained in when working for a home entertainment chain way back when. This is features, ADVANTAGES and benefits—describe why it does, explain why this is an advance or a superior solution compared to other products that claim to do the same thing, then drive home the benefit. It’s especially useful in selling high-tech products.

(In a live selling situation, a good salesperson will pause after presenting each FAB to gauge the prospect’s interest level, then adjust the presentation of the next FAB accordingly. You don’t have the benefit of the face-to-face contact as a copywriter, which is why it’s extra important to do your research or have a good creative brief.)

In my copywriting class (which is usually techie-heavy) I do an exercise where we pass a #2 yellow pencil around the room and each student has to present a feature, advantage and benefit of the pencil. This gets very interesting when it’s a large class and all the obvious FABS are claimed early.

For example:

FEATURE: the pencil is bright yellow.
ADVANTAGE: I can easily find it compared to other writing instruments.
BENEFIT: I enjoy peace of mind because I’m never without a way to express my thoughts.

FEATURE: #2 pencils are the standard used for computer graded tests.
ADVANTAGE: I know I have the ideal technology to complete the assignment.
BENEFIT: I won’t have to worry about getting marked down because my answers can’t be read by the computer.

And here’s one that came out late in the exercise in a large class:

FEATURE: #2 pencils can be sharpened to a very sharp point.
ADVANTAGE: That point sticks easily in the acoustic tiles when I throw it up at the ceiling.
BENEFIT: I have a way to amuse myself when the class gets boring.

Next time: the five buying decisions… and why buyers always make them in the same order.

Excerpted from my new book, Copywriting that Gets RESULTS! Get your copy here.

Good CSR, bad CSR

The other day I got hot under the collar about what was basically a trivial matter. The outsourced customer service function of American Express needed appropriate phrases to express appropriate reactions when a customer called because their credit card was declined. Quite possibly because of cultural differences, the scripted responses weren’t appropriate at all.

But why would a company even want to banter with the customer in the first place? This is not a marriage or personal relationship where you are trying to gain the upper hand. There’s a customer service policy in place to handle whatever concern the customer is contacting you about. Just deal with it, as efficiently is possible. Don’t embellish the dialog in a way that can turn a neutral situation into a negative.

At the other end of the spectrum, if the customer has a complaint or request and your policy is to honor it, there is nothing wrong with an additional coating of obsequiousness. An example is this response from amazon.com when I downloaded a Kindle book thinking it was free through the Prime lending library and discovered I was charged for it.

First, let me apologize for any inconvenience caused by this issue. I do understand how frustrating this must have been to you. We value our customers’ trust above all else–it is the foundation upon which Amazon.com was built. Please know that this situation was the result of a combination of technical and human errors, and that in no way did we intend for this to happen.

Over the top? You bet. Did it cost Amazon any more than a simple notice that my charge had been reversed? Not a penny. Will this make me more likely to give more money to Amazon? Absolutely.

Why copywriting is like selling (part 3)

Professional salespeople never forget they are selling to a human being, because that person is right in front of them. Copywriters, though, can become confused. They satisfy the requirement of filling a technical need, and forget there is a person signing the purchase order or keying in the credit card number. Unless personal emotional gratification is delivered, the sale may fall through because your solution is not perceived as relevant or important.

Why do buyers buy? Bob Stone, in his classic Successful Direct Marketing Methods, details the two categories of human wants: The desire to gain, and the desire to avoid loss.

Robert Collier, the “Giant of the Mails” who was at his peak in the 1930s, lists  six prime motives of human action:

  1. Love
  2. Gain
  3. Duty
  4. Pride
  5. Self-indulgence
  6. Self-preservation

And here are Roy Chitwood’s six buying motives:

  1. Desire for gain (usually financial)
  2. Fear of loss (again, usually financial)
  3. Comfort and convenience
  4. Security and protection
  5. Pride of ownership
  6. Satisfaction of emotion

Note that every one of these is EMOTIONAL…people buy emotionally, not logically. This is true even when selling business products to people in a business setting, because people are still people.

Next time: features, advantages and benefits.

Excerpted from my new book, Copywriting that Gets RESULTS! Get your copy here.

American Express customer service goes off the rails

Had a remarkable conversation with American Express customer service tonight regarding my account ending in 71000. (Amex, that’s so you can fix this if you are paying attention.) The card was rejected in a Cost Plus World Market store and while I am by no means a paragon of any type, I’ll say in my defense I have never missed a payment nor reported any kind of irregularity so it was a bit of a surprise.

When I got home there was an email, as opposed to the more urgent phone call you might expect. There was a number for me to call. I did… and was put on hold. WTF! I then had a conversation with an overseas CSR. I am not one of the “keep it in America” folks by kneejerk reaction, but in this case the language barrier might have kept her from realizing some of the script she was reading from was of a toxic nature.

I see you are calling from a number in your profile, you had a charge that was rejected because of our fraud prevention alerts. I asked why, since Cost Plus is a recognized national retailer. First surprise in her scripted answer: the larger the organization, the greater for the potential for fraud. Oh, says I, are you saying I should only shop at small stores from now on? Her response: I can see you were embarrassed sir, when your card was rejected. (WTF! I never said that!) I can understand that because of the prestige attached to the American Express card. (Yes, I’m a desperate striver who was accidentally approved for this card. Now my dirty laundry is out in public.)

I could have been reassured by this conversation, but instead I’m in doubt about my choice of shopping destinations and my worthiness to carry the card… which you can’t bet I won’t be doing much longer. Well, that’s not actually true because I have points to redeem. But you can bet this puppy is going to stay in my pocket the balance of this holiday shopping season. Don’t have time for this shit.

Why copywriting is like selling (Part 2)

Copywriters are at their most creative when trying to wriggle out of doing the work at hand. As with the professional salespeople I talked about in my last post, applying a system or methodology to an informal process can help you stay focused. It can also insure that you are not overshooting any decision points in the mind of your reader.

Advertising guidebooks are full of acronymic checklists to verify your copy has a logical flow, such as these three taken from Bob Bly’s excellent The Copywriter’s Handbook:

AIDA = Awareness, Interest, Desire, Action
ACCA = Awareness, Comprehension, Conviction, Action
4 Ps = Picture, Promise, Prove, Push

In each case the process is to make a connection with your audience, then present your selling argument, then go for the sale or other action. If you look at failed advertising, often the problem is that the copywriter got the sequence mixed up—for example, leaping to a sales pitch before you’ve hooked the reader in, or asking for the order before you’ve demonstrated the value of what you have to sell.

My favorite checklist is the one taught by my old client Max Sacks International, and it is something I regularly use in auditing my own work. Since this was developed for use by professional salespeople, I’ll add a translation for copywriters.

  1. Approach. How are you going to open the dialog? What will you do to engage your audience?
  2. Qualification. Make sure the prospect does have buying authority; for copywriters, hopefully the media department has done this job for you.
  3. Agreement on need. Make it clear what you’re talking about, then define a problem to be solved. Easy to do in a face to face environment where you can see a head nod, much harder in the remote medium of copywriting where you have to visualize audience reaction.
  4. Sell the company. If the prospect doesn’t find the salesperson or the company credible, they aren’t going to buy no matter how appealing the pitch. That’s why you sell the company before presenting your offer. For copywriters this is done with presentation and tone as much as with specific statements.
  5. Fill the need. Here is the meat of your selling proposition, presented only AFTER every other requirement has been met.
  6. Act of Commitment. Ask for the order. Tell your reader specifically what you want them to do, and emphasize how easy and risk-free it is to do it.
  7. Cement the sale. A salesperson will reiterate the commitment that has been made so the new customer does not cancel as soon as they leave the office. A copywriter will do this throughout the message.

Next: why people buy.

Excerpted from my new book, Copywriting that Gets RESULTS! Get your copy here.

Why copywriting is like selling (Part 1)

One of my earliest clients was a guy named Roy Chitwood who owned Max Sacks International, a sales training organization. In working with Roy for several years I attended so many workshops that his catch phrases became drilled into my brain. On the value of training: “School is never out for the sales professional.” On the role of the sales department in the organization: “Nothing happens until somebody sells something.”  On the importance of planning: “If you don’t know where you’re going, it doesn’t matter which road you take.”

Unlike copywriting, personal selling is a contact sport. Salespeople have to psych themselves up to get over rejection and put on their best face for the next appointment. Having an organized system to apply to what may appear an informal activity helps them stay on task (“Once selling becomes a process, it ceases to be a problem”).  This may why there are so many sales training courses and methods; most of the students I met in Roy’s classes had taken several courses from different trainers and used them agnostically for inspiration.

Very much like copywriters, salespeople have the job of getting prospects excited about and desirous of a product or service they may not have realized they needed until a moment ago. That’s why it is so helpful to apply the “rules” followed by professional salespeople to your own work as a copywriter. In my class, I spend quite a bit of time on the copywriting/selling analogy and I’m going to do the same here, over the next several posts.

The relationship between copywriting and selling should be seamless in a well-run company: your lead generation efforts serve as the front end of the sales effort, and serve up a steady stream of prospects (or “suspects” as another mentor, Ray Jutkins, used to call them since they have not yet entered your sales process). The better you’ve done your job, the more interested they will be in learning more about your company’s product or service.

Excerpted from my new book, Copywriting that Gets RESULTS! Get your copy here.